Something happened to me today that made me almost die. It involved light bulbs, bugs, and hockering.
Our bathroom light fixture takes some fancy light bulbs that cost more than the unit itself. They are hard to find and I always wait until I absolutely cannot stand not having a bathroom light before I replace them. Today, I decided to replace the bulbs. The Animal was going to help me by giving me direction from below. I stood on a little stool, and reached up to unscrew a little decorative nut that holds on the glass cover, I held the glass with the other hand. I had nowhere to put the nut, couldn’t toss it on the ground, The Animal eats everything, so I put it in my own mouth for safekeeping. A little round circle piece that was also being held up by the little nut fell down off the light unleashing a multitude of crusty ladybugs into my cleavage. As in: Into.My.Bra. Next was a series of events that was sure to lead to my demise hadn’t I found the courage somewhere in my being to Hocker.
2 things I hate most in life are bugs, and Hocker. Anything that crawls, and anything that any man projects out of his throat with a violent wretch makes me shudder.
I was so distraught by the thought of the bugs on my body I let out a squelch, which caused me to get the little nut stuck in my throat. The nut was still stuck in my throat when I flung off my shirt and dusted the nasty bugs off. I thought, “I’m going to die by choking on a little screw on thing that goes to my bathroom light fixture. My husband is going hear from the Dr., I’m sorry sir, but it seems your wife’s cause of death was chokation by a little ivory screw, most likely from a bathroom light fixture. So I hockered. Gross. Gross. Gross.